Chasing the Dream: The Rollercoaster of Starting a Business

So here I am, sitting in the middle of the night, overthinking, trying to get everything lined up for tomorrow—kids, the house, errands, and my business. We hear the word "burnout" thrown around a lot, and I used to think it only applied to people in high-powered jobs at big companies. That was never going to be me. I thought I’d be able to set my own hours, balance everything with ease—family, work, and home. The dream, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, let me tell you what can go wrong: starting a business from scratch, in a second language, with nothing but a small amount of savings from your last job. That’s what. You spend entire days thinking about how to get the word out, creating marketing content, telling friends and family. You get that burst of positive energy, thinking you're all set and things will just take off. Then, reality hits—there’s no instant success. You face rejection, you get ignored, and just when you’re ready to give up, you get a booking. It’s a rollercoaster. One day, you're flying high, overflowing with ideas and eager to share them, and the next day, you feel like quitting it all and getting a regular 9-to-5, doing the same thing every day, just for a steady paycheck.

And let’s not forget those nights when you wake up at 3 a.m., wondering, "Why me? What am I doing wrong? Am I really that bad that nobody wants to hire me?" It’s the constant back and forth between hope and doubt.

Last month, I had the busiest month since I started this business a year ago. I was filled with so much joy, I could hardly believe it. Somehow, things were finally going great—my weekends were booked solid, and I was telling new inquiries that I didn’t have space for them. That was it, right? I had made it. I just needed to wait. I’m actually good at what I do. People are noticing, clients are coming to me because they like my work. This is the dream.

That’s not true, my mind wake me up again. This was just one good month. What if next month isn’t the same? What if it’s tough again, with no bookings and no inquiries? The doubt creeps in even when things are going well, and it’s hard to shake.

Now, I’m tired. Tired of trying, tired of showing up, tired of competing. But somehow, I can’t stop. I keep moving, I keep thinking, I keep creating, I keep loving every minute I get to spend with my clients. I also cry, I get mad—mad at myself, mad at others for not believing, for not supporting. But I also laugh. I’m grateful. I appreciate the people who notice my work. And I get it—my business isn’t for everyone, so I understand why some don’t show support.

I have good and bad days, days when I completely understand, and then there are days when I just want to quit. To all the business owners, to everyone waking up in the middle of the night, overthinking how to succeed, trying to figure it all out—I’m still not sure how to make it possible. But I do know one thing: where you are right now is way closer to your dreams than where you were yesterday.